


From Here On Out

by costia_gray



Series: One Beating Heart [2]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Abandonment Issues, Angst, Developing Relationship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Explicit Sexual Content, F/F, Lack of Communication, Relationship Discussions, Romantic Alex Danvers/Kara Danvers, Trust Issues, Unresolved Emotional Tension, miscommunications
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-13
Updated: 2020-02-22
Packaged: 2021-02-28 04:15:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22697743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/costia_gray/pseuds/costia_gray
Summary: Alex and Kara confront some issues brought up by Kara’s visit to Earth-94.(Direct sequel to “Bound To You”. Best to read that for context.)Timeline: September 18th through September 23rd, 2018
Relationships: Alex Danvers/Kara Danvers
Series: One Beating Heart [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1462825
Comments: 31
Kudos: 146





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [baileyrhapsody](https://archiveofourown.org/users/baileyrhapsody/gifts).



> Big thank you to my buddy, **baileyrhapsody** , for this one. Without her ideas and enthusiasm and support, this story wouldn’t exist because I honestly had no plans to deal with this situation. So this one’s for you! All the love and appreciation, bud. ❤️

_**Tuesday, September 18th, 2018** _

One of the many positives of moving from Assistant Director of the D.E.O. to Director was that there was a constant influx of busy work. Normally, Alex wouldn’t consider that a positive; she’d dealt with her fair share of paperwork before the promotion, of course, but she had a habit of putting it off as long as possible. She was a field agent. She wanted to be on the ground, running ops, taking in rogue aliens, having Kara’s back.

Right now, it was a welcome distraction. The triviality and monotony of reading form after form kept her mind occupied, kept her from thinking of Kara.

Three days ago, _all_ she’d been thinking of was Kara. She’d run off to Earth-1 on some emergency or another with Barry and Cisco and hadn’t been back when she’d promised to be. Alex wouldn’t say she was freaking out, exactly, but she’d been scared; tearing Kara’s loft apart searching for the extrapolator Cisco had given her made that undeniable. Kara had been her responsibility, the center of her world and her _life_ for over a decade now, but it wasn’t just that. Without Kara, Alex had no idea who she was, where she’d be, and the prospect of not getting her back was terrifying.

She’d gotten her back. Well, Brainy and Earth-94 Winn had gotten her back. Alex had met herself from another Earth which was odd and uncomfortable. Then, that evening, Kara had told Alex she was in love with her, that she wanted to be with her, and every one of the feelings she’d been shoving down for _years_ came bubbling to the surface. It had seemed like everything was falling into place, and it had felt so _good_ to finally admit everything she’d always felt for Kara knowing now that it was all mutual.

So, of course, it had come crashing down around her.

A part of her had to give Kara credit for being honest. She hadn’t waited until they were days or weeks or months into this new part of their relationship to admit that her time, short as it was, with Alex’s counterpart was less than innocent. She’d told her that very night. Alex truly believed her when she insisted it hadn’t been sexual and the first kiss had been initiated by Earth-94 Alex. She’d been married to her Kara and lost her; as much as Alex hated it, she understood the impulse. She even, logically, understood Kara’s reasons for _continuing_ to kiss the other Alex.

It just didn’t feel good.

Alex had never dealt well with intensely emotional situations. She’d gotten better as she got older and was more than capable of being a shoulder for others, but her own emotions? It was a toss up. This had been too much. She’d told Kara she needed time, left, and hadn’t seen her in three days.

That didn’t mean Kara had stopped reaching out. Their text thread was full of messages. Always a ‘Good morning’, ‘I miss you’, ‘I love you’, little updates about her day, a consistent influx of cute animal gifs and videos, and a ‘Goodnight’. It was hard not to answer and even harder to keep from calling her, just to hear her voice. It had been a long time since she’d gone this long without contact, and it was taking all her willpower to keep from responding.

With a sigh, she looked away from her computer screen and rubbed her temples, feeling a headache setting in. She’d been at the D.E.O. since she left Kara’s loft, sleeping for a few hours at a time when she needed to and having an intern bring her food from the cafeteria when she was hungry. Alien activity was low right now, so she’d been mostly left to her own devices in her office. She’d usually be going stir-crazy, but she had enough on her mind she was working to ignore to keep her occupied.

She lifted her head when she heard a knock at the door. “Yes?”

Agent Ramirez poked her head in, pushing a lock of long dark hair out of her eyes. “Supergirl’s here to see you, Director. Would you like me to send her in?”

Alex sighed again. It had been inevitable, of course. She had been missing Kara badly. She knew Kara had to be feeling her absence just as much, and she was only patient to a point. Three days was pushing that point, especially after all that had happened between them. 

But she wasn’t ready. She was angry and hurting and she had every right to be, whether Kara liked it or not. She hadn’t lost her temper or been cruel when Kara had told her what happened. She’d told her she was uncomfortable with it and needed time and space to process everything. It was a reasonable request. It wasn’t fair of Kara to try to corner her.

“No,” she answered firmly. Her chest tightened when she saw the surprised look on the intern’s face. Everyone down to the rookies knew Director Danvers had a huge soft spot for Supergirl, even if they didn’t know the extent of their relationship. Refusing her in any fashion was rare.

“Please tell her I’m very busy and I’ll call her when I’m ready to see her. On _my terms_.” She folded her hands on the desk in front of her, lifting an eyebrow as if daring the girl to challenge her.

“Yes, ma’am.” Ramirez nodded, her eyes wide and mildly frightened, before slipping away, closing the door exceptionally gently behind her.

Alex could hear Kara stomping petulantly away barely a minute later.

**X**

_**Wednesday, September 19th — Friday, September 21st, 2018** _

The text messages became more desperate almost immediately. While Kara would never outright accuse Alex of avoiding her (even though she obviously _was_ ), some of the messages began to directly address the problem.

> **[Wednesday 4:14 PM] Kara Danvers:** Please, Alex. Just talk to me.
> 
> **[Wednesday 5:30 PM] Kara Danvers:** Please call me soon so we can talk about this.

> **[Thursday 10:33 AM] Kara Danvers:** Please stop hiding from me. I just want to see you.
> 
> **[Thursday 2:42 PM] Kara Danvers:** Can you just let me know you’re okay?
> 
> **[Thursday 8:22 PM] Kara Danvers:** Is totally ignoring me really your solution, Alex?

> **[Friday 7:09 AM] Kara Danvers:** I don’t understand. I was trying to be honest with you.
> 
> **[Friday 12:25 PM] Kara Danvers:** We can’t fix the problem if you don’t communicate, Alex.
> 
> **[Friday 6:51 PM] Kara Danvers:** Are we in high school again??? Please, Lexie, I miss you.

Kara stopped by at least once a day for the next three days, sometimes more than that if she was feeling particularly obstinate. Every time she sent an agent by requesting to see Alex, Alex told them to send her away.

She didn’t care if she was behaving like a high schooler. She was upset and she was entitled to be, damn it. She wasn’t going to cave to Kara’s pressure until _she_ was ready, and Kara would just have to accept that.

**X**

_**Saturday, September 22nd, 2018** _

On the seventh day they were apart, there was an attack downtown.

Yet another Fort Rozz escapee had decided now was his time to attack, to draw out Supergirl and take his revenge on Alura through her daughter.

(Fleetingly, Alex wondered if none of them had seen Alura at Kara’s side during the end of the Reign debacle; the news coverage had been extensive enough. Not that she truly believed it would change their minds. Supergirl was a convenient, on-planet target. There were hordes of criminals, alien and human alike, that were eager to take her out for no reason at all.)

(Alex really hated that.)

Alex had stayed at HQ, positioned in the center of the hub, watching the coverage coming in from Beta Team’s helmets. Kara took a few good hits and slammed into the ground so hard at one point that, if Alex didn’t know any better, she’d swear her heart had stopped at the sight. But Kara recovered as she always did, and relief infused Alex’s chest. Beta Team had cuffed and packed away their new prisoner before long and started their trek back to base.

“Good job, guys,” she called out, nodding approvingly at the gathered tech agents stationed in the hub. “Let’s get a containment cell prepped before Beta Team returns and the paperwork started processing. Agent Tanner, see what you can dig up on this species and—”

“I think I can help with that.”

Alex stiffened as soon as she heard Supergirl’s voice. It was always a little different when she was in full uniform, stronger and pitched a bit lower. Normally, it sent shivers down Alex’s spine in the best way. Now it just filled her with dread. She should have made her escape and come back to deal with the business side later, when she knew Kara was gone. Instead, she’d left herself vulnerable and open.

“Supergirl.” She turned around, arms instantly crossed protectively over her chest like a shield. Kara contemplated her, standing with her hands on her hips in her full superhero regalia. “You know we’d appreciate any help you can give us, as always.”

“Of course.” Kara nodded. “But I’d like to speak to you privately, Director Danvers. If you have a free moment, I mean. Your agents tell me you’ve been busy _all week long_ , but I’d really like to talk to you.”

Alex glared at her, unappreciative of her sarcastic tone. She knew Kara was annoyed with her, that she felt she was owed time with Alex and some sort of explanation. She had been trying to get to her for a week, even though Alex had consistently ignored her. Now, she’d finally succeeded in cornering her, and Alex felt trapped and defensive.

“Oh? So, does that mean your first choice wasn’t available?” she snapped. She wasn’t sure where that had come from, but God, it felt good to get a little bit of that anger out.

She was surprised when Kara softened, her carefully constructed blank expression morphing into something far more pained. She had expected Kara to snap back, to get angry, to storm away. She hadn’t meant to hurt her, and she instantly felt guilt swarm to life in the pit of her stomach.

“Alex…please. I just—”

Alex held up a hand to silence her. “Not right now. I told you I’d come to you when I was ready. Go talk to Tanner, get this alien thing sorted out, and go _home_ , Supergirl.”

They stared at each other for another long moment before Kara pressed her lips together, her eyes bright with tears. Alex almost reached out, the instinct to comfort her pulling at her heartstrings. But a moment later, Kara’s eyes were clear and she plastered on one of the fakest smiles Alex had ever seen her wear.

“Whatever you say, Director.” She nodded curtly and turned on her heel, approaching Tanner at her station.

Alex felt like an asshole for the rest of the day.

**X**

The office couch wasn’t meant to be slept on seven nights in a row. Alex’s back had been aching since day three. But at the D.E.O., Alex had a buffer, a way to keep herself isolated and away from her problems for as long as she needed. She’d deal with the discomfort in the interim, including the nearly flat pillow and the scratchy brown blanket that made up her improvised bed.

She was on the edge of falling asleep, sprawled half on her stomach in her attempt to get comfortable, when the sound of her phone buzzing on the coffee table, just an arm’s length away, had her blinking awake.

She knew who it was without looking. She could easily ignore it, read it when she next woke up. But the memory of seeing that hurt in Kara’s eyes earlier had her thinking again, groping for the phone in the lights-off, pulled-shades darkness. She rolled onto her aching back and lifted it to her face, pressing her thumb to the home button and watching the text thread load.

> **[Saturday 11:05 PM] Kara Danvers:** I’m sorry.

The gray bubble with three dots appeared beneath the message. Then disappeared. Then appeared again. Alex could have set her phone down, but she found herself waiting, unfairly hopeful.

> **[Saturday 11:08 PM] Kara Danvers:** I love you so much, Alex. Always.

She swallowed hard, lifting her left hand to brush away the tears sliding down her cheeks. She’d been such a mess of emotions lately, but she’d numbed herself. She’d shut down and become nothing more than a well-oiled, paper-pushing machine, nearly matching Brainy’s emotionless exterior.

Now, she felt it all again. Hurt, anger, confusion, worthlessness — all compounding and slamming her in the chest. And all she wanted was to run to Kara and let her fix it, but she _couldn’t_. Not yet.

Instead, she inhaled sharply and tapped her thumbs against the keyboard, pressing the send button before she could change her mind.

> **[Saturday 11:10 PM] Alex Danvers:** I love you too.

**X**

**_Sunday, September 23rd, 2018_ **

The next time a knock sounded on her office door and Ramirez — her near constant companion these days, it seemed — looked inside, she didn’t need to say a word. Alex got to her feet and rubbed her tired eyes, nodding an affirmative. If Ramirez was surprised, she’d learned to conceal it; she only nodded and disappeared outside to pass on the message.

She’d woken up to the usual ‘Good morning’ text from Kara followed by a request to see her today. It was the first time she’d _asked_ instead of just showing up, so Alex had said yes. Yesterday had made her realize it was time to get this over with. Whether it was good or bad, it needed to be done.

Being apart for so long wasn’t good for them, anyway. It didn’t feel right. But that didn’t mean she was going to let Kara brush aside her concerns and her feelings. She wouldn’t let herself, either. They needed to deal with it because if their week apart had taught Alex anything, it was that this wasn’t going away.

When Kara stepped in, Alex had to press her lips together to keep from reacting. She’d been expecting her in her supersuit, likely a little windblown coming fresh from patrol. Instead, she was in tight jeans, sneakers, one of _Alex’s_ Stanford t-shirts, her glasses on and her hair pulled half back. She was unfairly beautiful. Alex had to hook her thumbs through her belt loops and force her hands to be still at the sight of her. Really, what she wanted more than anything was to put them on Kara, run them through her hair and down her jawline and all over her exposed skin.

Uncomfortable silence sat heavily between them for several unbearable moments. Alex couldn’t bring herself to speak, and Kara made no move to either. Instead, she was playing with the hem of her shirt, as she often did when she was nervous. 

It had been a long time since she had been that nervous in Alex’s presence.

“I’ve missed you.”

Alex lifted her eyes to meet Kara’s stoically, forcing her body to remain unnaturally still. She didn’t respond. She felt like she physically couldn’t. Now that Kara was here in front of her, every overwhelming emotion she’d felt in the past week felt like it was wrapping around her throat and rendering her mute.

“Alex, it’s been over a week. Please, just— I need you to talk to me.”

Alex sighed, dragging her hand through her hair, the tightness in her throat easing. “I don’t know what to say, Kara,” she admitted quietly. “I thought— I thought you’d understand where I was coming from…”

Maybe that was a cop-out, but it was true. She’d expected Kara to get it, to think about what she’d told Alex and realize what she was thinking. They’d always been able to read each other better than anyone else. But for someone so brilliant and insightful, Kara could be so dense sometimes.

“I do,” Kara jumped in eagerly. “I do… I think. I know what happened with me and the other Alex, it hurt you. I understand that. You think… You think I chose her over you?” Her voice rose uncertainly at the end, the question mark clear.

Alex’s shoulders fell, her stomach sinking with disappointment, and Kara seemed to deflate. She looked exhausted and so genuinely lost. Alex wanted to take pity on her, knowing she was sincerely trying. But Kara could be blind to her faults, to how she could hurt other people without even realizing it.

“Come sit down.” She waved her hand toward the couch and they both made their way over, sitting farther apart than they typically would. It was a bit strange. Even when they were sticking to the ‘sisters’ label, they liked to be physically close, always touching in some way, often wrapped in each other’s arms. Alex’s body ached for that contact immediately, but she straightened her back and ignored it. Now wasn’t the time.

“Alex,” Kara began, her voice tentative and her eyes pleading, “I’m so sorry. I wasn’t— I would never _intentionally_ hurt you, you know that. I-It wasn't like _that_ —”

“But it could have been,” Alex interjected. It killed her to think it, but she could so easily imagine Kara falling into that life. Earth-94 Alex had given her Kara so much before she’d lost her. They hadn’t wasted time hiding from their feelings; they’d built a life together, had a baby together. She was Alex but she was a thousand times _better_. Kara deserved that life.

Kara’s eyebrows furrowed, looking utterly confused. “Alex, I didn’t have sex with her. I just kissed her, and she kissed me first. I told you that.”

Alex let out a frustrated huff. “You kissed her before you kissed _me_ ,” she finally snapped, watching as the realization clicked in Kara’s eyes, in the way guilt became plain on her face. “She kissed you first, fine. She was sad and she was married to her version of you and she missed her. I get why she did what she did. But you kept kissing her, Kara. You weren’t forced.”

“Well, no,” Kara agreed, “but Alex, I had no idea—”

“You never asked!”

“You never _said_ anything! You came out as gay to me, Alex! I figured if you had even an inkling of those feelings for me, you would have told me then. But you were interested in _Maggie_.”

Alex frowned when she heard the disdain with which Kara said Maggie’s name. She knew Kara and her ex-fiancée had had their disagreements, but she’d never heard Kara speak about her so angrily. Alex may have moved past Maggie, but it still stung to realize Kara clearly disliked her ex.

“What do you have against Maggie?”

Kara shook her head, pressing two fingers against her forehead and fixing Alex with an annoyed look. Alex knew it well, despite how infrequently she saw it. It almost made her smile.

“Is that really what you want to discuss right now? This is about us, Alex.”

“There is no _us_ ,” Alex scoffed. It wasn’t until the declaration had tumbled out of her mouth that she truly realized what she was saying.

Kara’s jaw instantly clamped shut, her blue eyes turning cold and hard. Alex could see her struggling to keep herself calm and not succumb to her inner anger.

“Kara, I didn’t mean that,” Alex quickly insisted. She reached out and placed her hand on Kara’s thigh. “I lost my temper, that’s all.”

Kara sucked her bottom lip, seemed to process that for a moment, and nodded slowly.

“But you’re right,” she said quietly. “There is no us. There can’t _be_ an us if you won’t communicate with me.”

Alex lowered her head, embarrassment flooding her cheeks with blood. She took a few deep breaths, her heart picking up in her chest when she felt Kara’s hand lay gently on top of her own. She lifted her head, surprised to see Kara gazing at her with concern and understanding.

“I made a _huge_ mistake. I shouldn’t have done what I did with the other Alex, but you have to realize… I’ve been in love with you since the second I saw you, Alex. I-I never thought— I never _dreamed_ you’d feel the same way. Eliza made us sisters, and you’ve always seemed happy with that, so I buried what I was feeling. I hid from it. And then, I ended up there and—”

“You should have stayed.” Alex swallowed hard, a shaky smile touching her lips when she saw the worried crinkle appear between Kara’s brows. “She was ready for you. She had a home for you and a half-Kryptonian baby with you. She’s not a complete mess of a human being. She wants you and…she deserves you. You deserve _her_.”

Kara scooched closer to Alex on the couch, grazing her free hand along Alex’s cheek. Alex let her eyes flutter closed for just a few seconds while she leaned into the familiar careful touch. Without even saying a word, she was encouraging Alex to go on.

“I’m replaceable,” she explained, her voice now a shamed whisper. “What happened between you and the other me is proof of that. If I had said I didn’t want you, you have another me to fall back on. You have _infinite_ Alexes that you can run to the second we have a disagreement, and who could blame you? I mean, most of them are probably upgrades.”

Kara studied her quietly for a while. Alex wallowed in internal anguish, watching as the wheels turned in Kara’s mind and she searched for what to say next. She was probably realizing how right Alex was and thinking of a tactful way to tell her she was leaving for an Alex that was actually worthwhile.

Alex closed her eyes, fighting a hopeless battle against the tears welling in her eyes. She hated feeling this way toward Kara. She hated looking at her and feeling like she wasn’t enough, like when it came down to it, Kara could find another version of her in a heartbeat to take her place.

Finally, Kara spoke.

“You are _not_ replaceable. You are _my_ Alex. You are _mine_.” The hand holding Alex’s against her thigh tightened, a tender smile stretching her lips as she asserted her claim. “We’ve spent so much of our lives together. I know every bit of you, like you know every bit of me. No other Alex could be what you are to me, what we are to _each other_. Not ever.”

Astonishment splashed across Alex’s face, and the falling tears multiplied. She leaned further into Kara’s hand against her cheek, wrapping her unoccupied hand around her forearm and holding on tight.

“Really?” she asked, searching Kara’s eyes for any sign that she might be lying. Trying to save Alex’s feelings, maybe.

“Alex, I’m in love with you,” Kara insisted, undeterred. “I want to be with _you_ , not any other Alex. You’re all I’ve wanted for so long. Let me fix this, sweetheart. Let me prove that you’re it for me.”

A big part of Alex wanted to burst with joy. She felt almost exactly how she’d felt nearly eight days prior when they’d been admitting their feelings for each other and making out like exceptionally horny teenagers on Kara’s couch. It felt like every dream and fantasy she’d ever had — things she’d dismissed as silly and impossible and shoved away to the back of her mind — was coming true.

It wasn’t that easy, though. Alex believed Kara was in love with her. She believed she was sincere when she said she only wanted _her_ , not any other Alex. But the damage had been done. She would always wonder if Kara was going to change her mind. She’d wonder every time she left their Earth if she was seeking out another Alex and exploring another option. That feeling, that insecurity, might never go away.

But could she really let this get away from her? Could she turn away from the possibility of this incredible thing a piece of her had craved since she was a lovestruck teenager? Could she really turn down _Kara_ because she couldn’t put her fears aside?

Was that even really a question?

“I need you to show me I can trust you here, okay? I really want this to work, but I’m not always easy to be with, Kara. And this didn’t help.” Alex pulled both of Kara’s hands from where they were resting, tangling their fingers and clutching their joined hands against her chest. “I’m not saying that to be mean. I just need you to get why it hurt me so much.”

Kara nodded solemnly, relief plain in her eyes. “I do. I’ll do whatever it takes to make it up to you,” she insisted. She smiled softly, but before long it grew wide and heartstopping. Hopeful. “I _promise_ , Alex. I never meant—”

“Shh.” Alex lifted their joined hands and pressed a soft kiss to the back of Kara’s left hand. She was tired and didn’t want to rehash things any further. At least not now. “I know. No more sorries right now. We’ll figure this out together, like we always have, right?”

“Yeah, we will. Stronger together,” Kara murmured, leaning in to press her forehead to Alex’s. The familiar contact sent ripples of warmth and contentment down into her chest, settling the feelings of unease and uncertainty for the time being. “Can I kiss you?”

Alex let out a breathy chuckle and nodded once. She tilted her chin up, meeting Kara halfway in a brief, soft kiss. She pulled one hand free of Kara’s and lifted it to rest against her cheek again, mouth tingling when Kara whimpered against her.

“I love you,” Kara breathed. She nuzzled Alex’s nose with her own, breath hot against her face. “I love you so much.”

Alex slid her fingers down Kara’s jaw. “I know. I love you too.” She dropped another small kiss against Kara’s lips and smiled.

“Can I take you home? You need a break and a full eight hours of sleep.” Kara raised a knowing eyebrow, her tone stern and her eyes soft with concern.

“I’ve slept,” Alex protested half-heartedly. Admittedly, she could get carried away in her work and forget things. It wasn’t uncommon for Kara to check in and make sure she was taking care of herself. And if she couldn’t come in personally, she’d make one of Alex’s agents do the dirty work for her. She heavily suspected that was why she’d been seeing so much of Ramirez the past few days.

“Alex, please. You have a bad back and you’ve barely left this office in over a week. Let me take care of you.” She pushed out her lower lip, knowing full well that Alex couldn’t resist the power of the pout.

“That,” she scolded with amusement, pulling Kara’s bottom lip down with her thumb, “is blatant, dirty cheating, alien girl.”

“Well, I’ve missed you,” Kara complained, running her hands down Alex’s shoulders. “And I just want to show you how much I love you.”

“Oh yeah?” Alex quirked an eyebrow and smirked, letting herself relax under Kara’s touch. “I guess I can’t say no to that.”

“Good!” Kara cheered, looking so adorably bright and sunny again that Alex couldn’t help smiling at her fondly.

“We still need to talk about some things,” Alex pointed out, not unkindly but much to Kara’s obvious consternation. “So, here’s the plan. I’m gonna go home, take a bath, and sleep for a while in a real bed. Why don’t you come by around six tonight with dinner and we’ll figure it all out, okay?”

Kara looked a little put out. Alex was sure she’d have preferred to take Alex back to her loft and put her to bed there, where she could watch over her the rest of the day. If she was honest, she’d have preferred that, too; the loft had always felt more like home to her than her apartment.

She just had to maintain some boundaries. Until they went over everything, she _needed_ boundaries.

“Fine,” Kara acquiesced with a dramatic sigh. She pecked at Alex's lips again, a few times, before lifting them both slowly to their feet. “Six?”

“Six. Promise,” Alex murmured, stealing one last kiss. “Now, go. And stop pestering Ramirez.”

“I would _never_ ,” Kara retorted, making a show of feigning offense. She grinned slyly; Alex rolled her eyes, her suspicions confirmed. “Love you.”

“Love you too.”


	2. Chapter 2

_**Sunday, September 23rd, 2018** _

At six o’clock on the dot, Kara was outside Alex’s apartment door, her arms loaded down with a variety of take-out bags full of Alex’s favorite foods. She was well aware she was overcompensating with food, but it was the best way she knew how to foster peace for the two of them. Food always paved the way to understanding and forgiveness in their relationship.

She hadn’t truly realized or understood until their talk how hurt Alex was. She still didn’t fully understand. How could she? Mind-reading wasn’t one of the many powers in her wheelhouse, unfortunately. The last thing she’d ever meant to do was make Alex feel like she was replaceable; that was so far from what she felt! 

Alex — this Alex, _her Alex_ — was the most important person in the world to her, in _any world_. She’d told her so countless times. She’d thought after all these years, and after everything they’d admitted to each other that night, Alex would know that without question.

That clearly wasn’t the case. They’d both made wrong assumptions and landed themselves in a tough situation. But Kara was hopeful that tonight, they’d be able to clear the air and get back on the right path. Things had been so good between them! They’d been changing and shifting but in a _positive_ direction. They’d made progress and she didn’t want to lose that.

She felt aimless without Alex by her side, anchoring her to this world and keeping her grounded. They’d spent a week apart with Alex refusing to talk to her and sending her away every time she tried to see her. She’d been miserable trying to solve a problem she just didn’t understand. She didn’t think she could take that again.

So whatever it took to make things right and reassure Alex, she would do it.

Taking a deep breath, Kara rearranged a few of the bags in her grip to free her hand and twist open the front door of Alex’s apartment. Alex was already in the kitchen, popping open the first of two bottles of beer she’d pulled out of the refrigerator. She laughed when she turned and saw how much Kara was carrying, affection bright in her eyes.

“This could feed me for a week,” Alex declared. She took a few bags from Kara’s arms and set them out on the countertop, starting to unpack the various boxes and containers.

“It wouldn’t even get me through a day,” Kara chuckled. She picked up one particular bag and peeked through the top before pushing it over toward Alex.

Alex raised an eyebrow and pulled open the top without question, grinning when she saw what was inside. “The food truck in Chicago.” She breathed the scent in deeply, a dreamy look in her eyes. “You didn’t have to do that, Kara.”

“I wanted to.” Kara shrugged, stepping tentatively into Alex’s personal space. “I like making you happy.” Alex ducked her head, her cheeks pink with pleasure. Kara moved even closer, lifting her hand to trail her fingertips down Alex’s jaw.

“Thank you,” Alex said quietly, dark eyes lifting to meet Kara’s again.

Kara’s fingers drifted down under her chin and guided her forward, bringing their lips together in a soft kiss. It was far too short for her liking, broken after just a few moments when Alex pulled away. Kara craved more so deeply it ached inside her chest. She wanted to grab Alex’s face, pull her in and kiss her until she couldn’t breathe. Instead, she let her hand fall to the counter and took a step back.

“Anything for you.” She smiled, moving into the kitchen to gather a couple of plates and silverware from where they were stored. “Let’s eat, huh?” she suggested, handing a plate to Alex. “I know how you are when you hole up at work. I need to see you eat a real meal.”

Alex grumbled and rolled her eyes, taking the plate and unloading her bag from the food truck first. Kara shook her head and smiled to herself. She knew there was no real scorn behind Alex’s complaints. She always got a little grumpy when Kara fussed over her, but it never lasted. If anything, it gave Kara back that sense of normalcy and let her pretend, just for now, that everything was completely okay.

“Stop staring, weirdo.” Alex’s amused tone broke Kara out of her daze. Her face and ears flushed hot at the smirk on Alex’s lips; she hadn’t even realized she’d been staring. “Come on. Get your food and come sit on the couch. We’re still behind on _Shooter_.”

Kara groaned as she gathered her food, wrinkling her nose in disdain. Kara didn’t share Alex’s taste in action-centered, suspenseful, murder-y shows. But if there was ever a time to cave with minimal objection, it was tonight.

At least she’d get to ogle Shantel VanSanten for a while. And if she was lucky, maybe she’d get some cuddle time with Alex. That would be nice.

“Don’t you dare take all the potstickers,” Alex called out, already seated and searching through the DVR.

Pouting, Kara dropped two potstickers back into the box and carried her overflowing plate to the couch.

**X**

Although Kara wanted nothing more than to wrap Alex up in her arms and get lost in her, she did her best to stay respectful and patient. The lack of physical affection was particularly hard for her, being so tactile by nature. With Alex especially, they were usually touching or close and the lack of it was frustrating. But she resisted every urge in her body to take what she wanted anyway and waited.

Whether or not she fully understood, she realized Alex was still dealing with a lot of intense feelings. She knew it was best not to push her any harder. She’d gotten Alex to actually talk to her today, to come home and agree to see her again. That was an accomplishment. Now she had to let Alex finish this on her own terms, no matter how anxious waiting made her.

It took an episode and a half, but after Alex had set her dirty plate on the coffee table, still laser-focused on the screen before them, she leaned into Kara’s side. Kara stayed still despite the impulse to embrace her but softened herself to make sure Alex could get comfy. She finished the last egg roll on her plate before carefully stretching out to set her plate aside, too. After several heaping helpings of a mixture of foods, she was content if not _full_ — but she was rarely truly full.

Deciding that Alex’s lack of moving away after several minutes meant she was open to more affection, Kara arranged her arms around her shoulders to hold her properly. She preened when she heard that familiar pleased hum, knowing it meant she was doing well. Pressing a kiss to Alex’s hair, she tightened her grip minutely before settling in close.

They stayed quiet together until the second episode had come to an end and even sat through a good minute of end credits before any movement was made. Alex eventually grabbed up the remote from its place beside her and turned the TV off. Kara was a little surprised — they still had an episode to go before they were caught up — but she didn’t protest. She said nothing, determined to let Alex take the lead when she was ready.

It kind of backfired.

“You’re awfully quiet,” Alex noted, shifting herself so their fronts pressed together and she could look into Kara’s eyes. Kara adjusted to the new position, settling her hands on Alex’s back and dropping a kiss against her temple unthinkingly.

“You always shush me when I talk during your shows.”

“And since when does that _stop you_?” Alex retorted.

“I’m just happy being here with you,” Kara murmured. “I’ve been missing you so much.”

Guilt and uncertainty flashed through Alex’s eyes and Kara hurried to reassure her.

“I’m not upset! Not at all. You needed time to yourself and I get that. I’m just used to having you whenever I want you.”

Alex nodded, tracing the faded block letters on Kara’s shirt — Alex’s, really, though she’d stolen it away a long time ago. “You have me now.”

“Yeah,” Kara agreed softly. She lifted her hand to cup Alex’s face again, brushing her thumb across her chin. A barely-there smile flickered across Alex’s lips, and Kara couldn’t resist tugging her into a hug. Alex’s head fell to her shoulder, and Kara squeezed her tightly. They both needed this even if they couldn’t say it out loud.

Alex’s hands wrapped tight in Kara’s shirt, her breath catching in her throat when Kara’s lips pressed against the crown of her head. Kara stroked her back with one hand, the other sliding gently across the back of her neck until she loosened. Kara loved moments when she could do this for Alex, when she could help Alex fully relax. She was so tense so often, and Kara had always been the one she could let her guard down around without any worries. She never wanted that to change.

“Did you sleep?” she asked quietly.

Alex nodded against her neck. “Called the massage therapist to set up an appointment, too. That couch screwed up my back.”

Kara hummed approvingly. It was the best answer she could give. Her immediate instinct was to scold Alex, to point out that she hadn’t _needed_ to sleep on her uncomfortable office couch, but she refrained. Alex still wanted to talk. Kara didn’t want to do something else, however mundane, to make whatever this conversation was any less comfortable.

And selfishly, she wanted to avoid it as long as possible. She’d gone a week without her Alex. She needed her withdrawal pains soothed a little bit longer. She needed time to just feel Alex in her arms, warm and safe and _hers_ , despite the mess she’d made.

“I love you,” Kara whispered. She couldn’t help herself. “I want to make this right, Alex. Whatever it takes, I want to do it. I know I made a mistake, but I don’t want to lose this before it’s even gotten a chance to begin.”

Alex was silent for a while. Long enough that Kara started feeling nervous. She never much liked making herself too vulnerable emotionally, not even for Alex, but she meant every word she’d said. She wanted this. She wanted _Alex_. She had never been so clear on that, so certain. She was willing to do anything to make that happen.

Finally, Alex drew herself out of Kara’s arms. Her back audibly cracked when she swung her legs off the couch and got to her feet, and she hissed in pain. Kara stood to comfort her, but Alex placed a gentle palm against her chest to keep her still. Away.

“I guess it’s time for us to actually talk about this, huh?”

Kara licked her lips and nodded without comment. She wasn’t any more eager to discuss the situation than Alex was, but they seemed to be in agreement that it was necessary. If there was air to clear, now was the time to clear it.

Alex paced off toward the kitchen, digging into the refrigerator for a moment and coming out with a beer. Kara frowned a bit at the sight but kept her comments to herself. She worried about Alex’s drinking, but given the situation, she had no right to say anything. Maybe drinking would lower some of Alex’s defenses. It always seemed to loosen her tongue.

“You can sit, Kara. You’re not waiting for a lecture from the principal, are you?”

A half-smile cracked Kara’s lips. She did feel a little like a teenager in trouble, but Alex was right. “No, I guess not. Sit with me?”

Alex acquiesced. They settled back down on the couch with a respectable distance between them. They weren’t as far apart as they’d been when Kara had come to the D.E.O. that morning, but Alex wasn’t in her arms anymore either. Well within reach, though.

“This is weird,” Alex sighed, then took a swig from the bottle in her hand. “I’m not— I’m not really sure how to start.”

“It’s still just me, sweetheart,” Kara encouraged her softly. “You can tell me how you’re feeling and be honest with me. Always.” She brushed a hand gently over Alex’s knee and squeezed. “I know I’ve caused you a lot of hurt—”

“Okay,” Alex cut in. “That. There.” Her face softened with concern as her eyes lifted to meet Kara’s. “I don’t believe that you set out to hurt me, okay? I _know_ you. I know that isn’t what this was about. So, please, don’t think that.”

Kara smiled shyly, feeling a little more relieved than she’d expected she would. It really felt to her like Alex thought she’d done all this with some sort of malicious intent, and she hadn’t known how to defend herself from that. It was good to know Alex recognized this whole thing was unintentional. It was more like a series of dumb, thoughtless choices.

“I appreciate that. Thank you,” she said sincerely.

Alex nodded, rubbing two cool fingers across the back of Kara’s hand. She fell quiet again, only gazing at Kara thoughtfully for a long couple of minutes. The silence wasn’t doing much for Kara’s anxieties, but she remained patiently waiting until Alex was ready again.

 _Her terms. Her timetable. I owe her that,_ Kara reminded herself. But she wasn’t prepared for how the silence was broken.

“Are you going to see her again?”

Kara swore her heart cracked when that question left Alex’s lips. The words were quiet, very calmly spoken, but uncertainty and insecurity coated every syllable. Kara’s Alex, her absurdly brave, strong girl, looked so small and broken in that moment. It was surreal in the worst way, and Kara hated it.

Kara took a breath, running her teeth along her bottom lip. She knew her answer. She knew she had to be honest. But she also knew it would cause an argument at best and shatter Alex at worst, no matter how wholesome her intentions.

“I didn’t make any promises. But every once in a while, I’d like to check in,” Kara admitted. Alex’s eyes left hers, and she straightened, bracing herself for what was to come. “I promise it wouldn’t be a regular thing, but I would like to be sure she and Marley are okay when I can.”

Alex took another pull from her beer bottle. By the time she set it between her legs again, there wasn’t much liquid left inside.

“I know you’re upset,” Kara sighed. “And I know I have no right to ask this of you, but…put yourself in her place, Alex. Her Kara’s gone, and she has that little girl…”

“And she’s totally alone?” Alex questioned, raising her eyebrows. “No support? She doesn’t have Mom or J’onn? I spoke to their Winn, so I know he was still there. They can’t help her?”

“But that—it’s not the same,” Kara objected with a frown. “Their Kara was her wife and she was taken away from her family. She needs me, at least every once in a while. She’s lonely and—”

“And you are not her wife, Kara,” Alex interjected. Kara nearly flinched at the harsh tone of Alex’s voice, folding her arms defensively across her chest. “You were a substitute and one she _knew_ she couldn’t keep. She brought you back here, didn’t she? She made sure you got home because _this_ is your home. You’re our Kara. _My_ Kara. That isn’t your life.”

Kara leaned back against the couch, quiet for a long moment. She watched as Alex polished off her beer and set the empty bottle on the coffee table. She was trying to be good and patient, but this was hard. Brand new terrain. It was nothing like any of the arguments she and Alex had gotten into over the years.

“You were just telling me this morning that I should have stayed with her,” she said at last. “I thought you would get why I want to check in on her.”

Alex tensed, her eyes turning hard and cold. “I was angry this morning. And hurting. You don’t get to use what I said in a weak moment as an argument here.”

“Fine,” Kara muttered. She could feel frustration building in her chest, tightening her throat. She was screwed no matter what she said here and she was really starting to feel it.

So, she clamped her mouth shut and kept quiet, cursing herself for having told the truth to begin with. She wouldn’t be dealing with this now if she’d kept what happened to herself. Sure, honesty was all fine and good objectively, but now that it was ruining her relationship with Alex, she was starting to have her doubts. They would have been so happy right now if she’d just held back for once.

“Hey. Come here.” Alex shifted closer to her on the couch, tugging gently on the hem of her shirt. Kara tried to ignore her, but she didn’t have the fortitude, especially not when those big brown eyes she so loved were pleading with her to give in.

The second she uncrossed her arms, Alex took both her hands and squeezed. Kara pulled her closer and leaned their foreheads together. She needed a little bit of contact, reassurance that they would get through this when right now it felt like too much.

They both started breathing a little easier then and stayed that way for a few long minutes. Again, Kara found herself wishing she could just sweep this entire conversation aside. But they were in too deep now.

“Take two?” she suggested eventually, reluctantly breaking the silence.

Alex huffed but agreed. “Take two, yeah. Give me a minute.”

“Okay.” Kara kissed her temple before sliding away and getting to her feet. “I’m going to get a glass of water. Want one?”

“Please,” Alex murmured, her lips quirking up into a small smile.

Kara took her time going into the kitchen and taking out two glasses to fill up with water. It was a task she easily could have sped her way through with her powers, but she wanted to give them both an extra minute. Tempers were hot right now, and even though they’d calmed, it couldn’t hurt to take a few extra seconds to cool down.

Alex took the glass Kara handed her gratefully when she returned, taking a few sips before setting it down on the coffee table. Kara returned to her spot beside her, reaching out to playfully tug on the collar of her shirt, hoping to keep the mood light a bit longer. She grinned when she was rewarded with an eye roll and a playful swat.

“Okay,” Alex began, lifting her gaze to Kara. “I want you to do something for me.”

Kara didn’t hesitate. “Anything.”

Alex bit her bottom lip, seeming to choose her words carefully as she spoke. “You asked me to put myself in the other Alex’s shoes. I want you to do that for me.” Kara’s brows furrowed, but before she could open her mouth to ask any questions, Alex held up a hand. “Please. Just…humor me, okay?”

“Yeah, of course,” Kara agreed. She’d said she would do anything to make this right, and she’d meant it. She didn’t entirely understand what Alex was trying to accomplish here, but if it stood a chance of fixing this, she was all in.

“Close your eyes,” Alex said quietly, and Kara obeyed, her cheeks warming when she felt Alex’s hands slide into hers. “Think about it. How would you feel if I’d been the one stuck on another Earth? What if our positions were reversed? What if I was there and their Kara was still alive and her Alex was gone? Would you really be okay with knowing that I had let her hold me and touch me and kiss me?”

A swell of emotion swept through Kara’s stomach, burning hot in her chest, and her jaw clenched. She could picture that situation far too easily. She could imagine her Alex being swept up in Kara-94. Why wouldn’t she be? From what little Kara knew of her alternate self, it sounded like she was mature and smooth and confident on a level Kara had yet to reach — and maybe she never would.

“And if I’d come home to you and told you what happened,” Alex continued, squeezing Kara’s hands, “can you really say you’d be okay with that?”

“Of course not.” The words spilled out without any input from Kara’s brain and her eyes flew open. The very thought of someone else — even another version of herself — touching _her Alex_ left a bitter taste in her mouth.

_Oh Rao._

Kara swore she heard a clicking sound somewhere in the vicinity of her brain. Alex’s feelings of hurt and jealousy and inferiority finally made sense.

Alex cupped Kara’s cheek with one hand and searched her eyes. “You get it now, right? I know you thought I was being a jerk for no reason—”

“That’s not true,” Kara objected. “I just didn’t understand, Alex. I don’t— I don’t know. It didn’t want to connect. Some human things still kind of go over my head. But I get it now.”

“Do you really?” Alex questioned warily. “I don’t want you to pretend. I want you to really understand.”

“I get why it makes you uncomfortable.” Kara slipped her arms around Alex’s waist and pulled her gently closer. She still seemed so tense. “I really, truly do. If it had happened the other way around, you’re right. I’d hate it. I’d hate knowing there was a me out there who had you first.”

The relief those words brought Alex couldn’t be more obvious. The tension fell out of her body. She smiled at Kara, wide and unguarded, leaning forward to press a kiss to Kara’s lips. Surprised, Kara had only the barest second to reciprocate before Alex drew back again.

“I’m sorry it took me a while to understand.” Kara leaned her forehead against Alex’s, smiling tenderly. “I kept thinking of her as an extension of you, but that’s not really fair to either of you. _You_ are your own amazing, brilliant, perfect person. And I promise you’re the only Alex I could ever want. _My_ Alex.”

Alex grinned, both hands clasping Kara’s strong jaw. “Flirt,” she teased, stealing another kiss. This one lingered, and Kara extended it for as long as she could. She felt sparks in her mouth and pleasurable tingles coursing up her spine.

It was almost enough to convince her _not_ to shoot herself in the foot.

“I love you,” she breathed, dragging her nose across Alex’s lips. “And I really do understand, but—” She took a slow breath, her expression growing serious as she muttered, “Rao help me.”

Alex immediately went rigid in her arms again. Her eyes hardened and her jaw clenched. If she had Medusa-like abilities, Kara would certainly be nothing but a stone statue already.

Kara stayed calm and quiet, trying her best to keep her tone diplomatic and reasonable. “Honey, hear me out. You asked me to reverse our positions and consider how I would feel. I know I’ve already asked you to put yourself in Alex’s shoes, but I don’t… I don’t think you did.”

Alex scoffed and turned her head away. Kara slid her fingers beneath the older woman’s chin and delicately turned it back. Alex’s eyes glowed with anger and confusion, but Kara was not to be deterred.

“I understand she is her own person with her own very different life. But at her core, Alex, she is _still_ you. Her Kara was her wife and the other mother of her child. They had been together for _years_ , and that Kara was _murdered_ , sweetheart. She was taken. Can you imagine that being you?”

Alex looked down, trying to blink back tears that continued to fall anyway. Her breath stuttered, and Kara knew she was struggling to control herself. Losing Kara had been her biggest fear for such a long time. Like Kara’s was losing Alex.

“If I was gone and you were hurting and missing me and — _poof!_ Suddenly, there was another Kara there. And she wasn’t me, but she was close and she _cared_ and she soothed that loss, even just a little. What would you want?”

Alex didn’t answer for a while, taking shuddering breaths as she fought against the urge to cry. Kara stroked her back, kissing her cheek and brushing away her tears with her thumb.

“I don’t know, Kara.” Alex looked up at her helplessly, her eyes red-rimmed and puffy. “It’s not—” She swallowed, licked her lips. “There’s no simple answer. Would it really help me— _her_? Is it fair to show up there only every once in a while when she’s still trying to grieve and go on?”

Kara nodded slowly, letting that sink in. She honestly hadn’t considered that aspect. All she knew was Alex was _Alex_ , even if she wasn’t _Kara’s_ Alex. She’d gotten attached, quickly, and she hated to see any Alex hurting. But would this hurt her more?

“I guess… I’m thinking about it from my side. And while I’m not really fond of another Kara kissing you like this or anything…” Kara grinned playfully, tilting her head to kiss the side of Alex’s jaw. “If she could help you when you were hurting, in a totally platonic way, I think that would be okay.”

Alex sighed heavily, reaching for the front of Kara’s shirt and slowly tracing the block letters with her fingers. Kara nuzzled the side of her head, remaining patient. She knew Alex would likely refuse her again, and if that was the case, she would let the subject drop. Her Alex’s comfort and happiness would always be her foremost concern.

“You really feel that way?” Alex asked. “You’re not just trying to sway me?”

“Lexie, you know me better than that.”

Alex quirked an eyebrow. “Fine,” she consented in a clipped voice. “But few and far between. And you need to set boundaries. No more kissing, _please_.”

“Only kissing you,” Kara agreed solemnly. “I promise you, my lips are permanently reserved for you.” She peppered kisses down the curve of Alex’s jaw and nipped at her earlobe. “Thank you for understanding, sweetheart.”

“The things I do for you,” Alex huffed dramatically. “Now come here and kiss me properly.”

“Whatever you want, Director Danvers,” Kara purred, happily obeying Alex’s command.

**X**

Kara pulled back from Alex’s bare shoulder with a self-satisfied smile. The skin she’d just released was bright red, the mark big enough and deep enough that Kara knew it would turn into a hickey. She puffed her chest out at the very thought; her claim was staked, and _everyone_ would know it.

“Proud of yourself?” Alex asked from beside her, voice low and a bit husky. She was laying on her back to Kara’s left, covered only by a bed sheet and a thin sheen of sweat.

Kara leaned over her, kissing her swollen lips with the lightest pressure she could manage. “Very,” she confirmed. “I like seeing…” She trailed off, her face flushing hot with self-consciousness. “You look so good wearing my mark,” she admitted sheepishly.

“Feels good, too.” Alex shucked the sheet down around her waist, exposing the half dozen similar marks Kara had left across her chest and belly. “Wish I could return the favor.”

Kara hummed approvingly. “Commandeer some of that red sun tech and maybe you can.”

“Kara Zor-El Danvers,” Alex admonished teasingly, wrapping her hands around Kara’s upper arms, “are you encouraging the director of a government organization to steal proprietary technology from said government organization for recreational purposes? That’s illegal, you know.”

“Is it really proprietary? Because I seem to vividly remember you _stealing_ that tech from Fort—”

Alex squeezed Kara’s arms and yanked her down into a kiss, their breasts pressing together in the most delicious way. Kara shoved the sheet aside entirely, slotting herself between Alex’s legs and wrapping them around her waist. They ground together slowly while they kissed, Alex’s nails scratching down the unyielding skin of Kara’s back.

“Rao, Alex,” Kara whimpered. A shiver of pleasure passed through her just from the sensation of Alex’s nails on her skin. “Please steal some red sun lamps.” She knew how to be gentle and cautious in intimate relationships, but she’d _never_ craved a human being the way she craved Alex. She wanted to feel her in every possible way.

“I’ll have Siri remind me,” Alex joked. She groaned, tilting her head back when Kara began kissing the hollows of her throat.

“My little joker,” Kara whispered, still grinding determinedly against her beautiful human. The build up was slow but it was definitely there, a large rubber band slowly tightening low in her belly. Goosebumps spilled across her flesh when her throbbing clit pressed firmly to Alex’s and she gasped.

Alex gasped as well and clutched Kara’s back tightly in her arms, grinding back against her, their hips pressed flush. She was getting close, but the slow pace was causing an ebb and flow feeling that was driving her crazy. “Harder, baby.”

“‘Kay,” Kara agreed breathlessly, picking up the pace of her hips. She buried her face in the crook of Alex’s neck and sucked on the fresh mark she’d just left behind, wrapping her hands tightly in the sheets beneath them.

“Oh God, _Kara_.” Alex’s jaw dropped and her moans began to sound more like breathy pants. Kara could feel how close Alex was to coming, her body tightly coiled, toes digging into the small of her back. Kara was right there with her.

“Come for me, Lexie.” Kara nosed along Alex’s cheek and captured her slack mouth, still tasting herself on her lover’s tongue. “ _Come._ ”

That was all Alex needed. She cried out, body tensing and releasing as her climax hit. Kara followed right along behind her, groaning against the side of Alex’s mouth as her orgasm spread through her.

Soon, they were a sweaty mass of shivering, entangled limbs, overcome with happiness. Alex grabbed Kara’s face with shaking hands and kissed her fiercely, fingers sliding up into the mess of blonde locks.

“God, _Kara_ ,” she murmured, dazed and loving. “I can’t believe you’re mine. I love you.”

Kara grinned, pressing a sloppy kiss to Alex’s cheek. “I love _you_ , Alex,” she declared softly. “I’m yours, baby. Always.”


End file.
